An Eye For Pain A Mind For Love
by Hotaru8888
Summary: "Squall Leonhart, as your injuries are too great we hereby relieve you of your duties as a member of SeeD, until if and when you can be medically cleared to continue with your duties." "Cloud Strife, you have been deemed mentally unable to continue as a member of SOLDIER. At such point if you can recover you may return."
1. Chapter 1: A New Name

**This fic came to me while I was sitting in church this morning. Read and Review.**

Chapter 1: New Name

"Squall Leonhart, as your injuries are too great we hereby relieve you of your duties as a member of SeeD, until if and when you can be medically cleared to continue with your duties."

This is it. My life is over. I have just been medically discharged from SeeD. I can't believe this. Dammit.

"Sorry dude. We'll miss you." It was Zell. The blonde looked worried. "I never thought I'd see the day you would have to leave SeeD for any reason other than death."

I grumbled. "I'll be back." I looked down at my arm in the sling. I just noticed that it matched my uniform. "I'm never out for long."

"You really think so?"

I could hear laughter from behind me. "You think he'll be back? That's laughable. That attack did a number on not only your body, but your eyes, didn't it Leonhart? Without passing eyesight levels they won't even let you back into SeeD with an office job!"

I knew that voice anywhere. It belonged to none other than Seifer Almasy.

"Shut it Seifer." Zell shouted back. His fists balled.

I just gave Zell the look I always gave him as a leader. He knew better than to argue back with Seifer. It would inevitably lead to a fight. An unnecessary one.

I stood up, nodding to the both of them, and left to head back to my room. I had to finish packing to go back to my home in Radiant Garden. I hadn't been there since I was 15. I've been here in Balamb since then training and then becoming a SeeD.

"Squall!" Of course, I can't just walk to the dorms without being stopped. It was Quistis. I could make out her bright red hair coming my way.

The beautiful red head stopped in front of me. "I heard what happened. I'm… I'm sorry." I was tired of hearing apologies. No one could possibly fix this.

"I glanced to her face. "Yeah." I left her staring over her shoulder.

I finally made it to my room. Luckily, there wasn't much left to pack. Zell had helped out a lot last night. I found the rest of my clothes in the closet and tossed them in one of the last plastic containers that SeeD had provided for me to pack with. I backed up to sit on my bed, when suddenly my eyes went blurry and started burning. The pain and pressure was unbearable. I managed to slide against the closet door to the floor holding my eyes shut and putting my one good arm over them as well.

"Squall do you…" I recognized his voice but sure as hell couldn't see him. "Oh god! Squall!" He rushed over to me and managed to get me to my bed. "Hang in there bud. I'll be back."

Before I knew it I heard Dr. Kadowaki in my room and a nervous Zell behind her panicking. He had been the only one there at the time of the accident. He had hurt his foot and I made him stay on my left flank. He would have been hurt if he'd been leading with me. My eyes were still burning so bad that I couldn't bear to have them open.

When the Doctor finally managed to pull my arm from my face I felt cold drops being put in my eyes as she gently pulled them open. She then put a cold cloth to my forehead.

"Mr. Leonhart, can you hear me."

"Yes." I groaned, still in pain.

"Good. You'll be alright for now. I'm going to write you a prescription for some of these eye drops and a recommendation for an optometrist when you return to Radiant Garden. You're going to need to get some glasses. Eye strain will only increase the pain and pressure in your eyes from your injuries."

I sat up and managed to open my eyes. "I don't need glasses." I could see Dr. Kadowaki, but she was blurry.

"You may think that Mr. Leonhart, but you suffered substantial damage from that accident. If you don't follow my advice you could lose more vision than you have or even go blind."

I was angry. I could see just fine. I glared at her as she left the room.

"Squall?" It was Zell.

"I'm fine. Can you go get a cart so we can get my stuff moved outside so I can get out of this place as soon as Selphie gets here?"

The rest of my moving was done in silence. Zell knew I was pissed. He'd learned that when I got angry it was best to just leave me alone. I was ready to leave. To get away from the apologies. I was relieved when she arrived. She'd retired from SeeD after her four year term. I have to say I missed having her in my unit for the past three years. She was the first friend I made here in Balamb when I got here all those years ago.

"Hey Squall." She smiled. It was bittersweet. She was happy to see me. But I knew she was upset about the circumstances. She knew better than to apologize. I was glad.

"Hey." I responded as I threw my stuff in the trunk and back seat.

There were no words spoken as I got into the passenger's side and leaned the seat back. Selphie knew I needed time alone. For that I was thankful. I turned and watched as we exited Balamb to drive to the port to get on the boat. It was a long journey back to Radiant Garden. I pulled my dog tags off from around my neck.

_Squall Leonhart_

_Rank 30 Elite_

_SeeD Spec.: Special Opps, Gunblade_

_Unit 1_

Rank 30. I'd almost done it. I'd almost made it to Rank A. I would have been a commander in SeeD. When I come back I'll have to start all over with the tests and training. I sighed. Squall. I need to find a way to separate myself from SeeD for a while. A new name. A name that gives me an identity separate from what I've always known.

I heard Selphie park the car on the boat. I can't believe we'd made it to the port already.

"Squall?"

I sat up. "It's Leon. Call me… Leon."


	2. Chapter 2: A Fallen Cloud

Chapter 2: A Fallen Cloud

"Cloud Strife, you have been deemed mentally unable to continue as a member of SOLDIER. At such point if you can recover you may return."

Really so I'm crazy now? I saved the fucking lives of everyone here. Except one.

"Do you understand the terms Mr. Strife?"

"Of course. What choice do I have?"

I turned and walked out of the room. Dumbasses will be lost without me. I headed to my room and grabbed my black satchel. I shove my cell phone and a couple of my favorite books inside. I lean back against the wall and check my phone before zipping up the satchel. The back ground was Aerith and Zack.

"Aerith."

I flipped the phone shut and shoved it as far down in my bag as it would go. SOLDIER thinks I'm crazy. But what was I supposed to do. Sephiroth. That bastard. He killed her. The traitor. I made sure to put a good sized hole in the wall with my fist before heading outside to Fenrir. This motorcycle is truly the only thing I have left. Sephiroth. He took her, my job, and according to the higher ups, my sanity.

I don't know how long I was riding Fenrir. It had to be several hours because the sun was beginning to set. I saw a town off in the distance, from the looks of the mountain behind the small city, it was Nibelheim. I'll stay here for the night. It hadn't gotten out that I had been discharged from SOLDIER yet, so I grabbed a room at the inn where they often let us stay for free. It wasn't much, but all I needed was a bed for the night.

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz._ Damn phone.

I flipped it open. It's Yuffie. I hit ignore. Aerith and Zack's picture showed bright in the dark room. Aerith. I'm… I'm sorry.

_"Cloud, you can't just rush in like that!"_

_ "Like hell I can't Barret. She's trapped in there!"_

_ "He'll kill you!"_

_ "He'll kill her. All of us. The whole town will be destroyed."_

_ He grabbed my left sleeve. "Cloud if you go you'll be breaking orders. Cetra is safe with the other unit undercover."_

_ "I don't care. I'm not leaving her alone with him."_

_ I ran. I remember Aerith telling me she'd tracked Sephiroth to the Northern Crater. That must be where she is now. I don't think my feet have ever carried me so fast. Time was running out. I promised Zack I'd protect her. He was my best friend and I had loved her at one time. And although she never saw me that way I stayed by her side. She was a good woman. Zack was a great man. They were right for each other. I pulled my Buster Sword from its sheath as I burst through the door. But I didn't find what I was looking for. Sephiroth was gone. Aerith was on the ground covered in blood._

_ "Aerith!" I ran to her and held her in my lap._

_ "Aerith! Can you hear me?"_

_ "Cl…Cloud." She coughed._

_ I saw she had a stab wound that went through her back into her heart. I couldn't hold back my tears._

_ "Aerith. I'm sorry. I didn't keep my promise."_

_ "Don't… don't be sorry Cloud." She reached up and brushed hair from my face. "I distracted him so he didn't get what he came here for."_

_ I must have been crying like a small child. I could feel her breathing shallow even more. Her heart rate was slowing._

_ "Aerith. Don't go."_

_ "I…I have to. Tell Zack. I. Love. H…him."_

_ Her eyes shut and I no longer felt life from her. Her body began to grow cold and pale._

_ That moment became dream-like for me. The moment from when I picked her body up and took her to the life stream, and went back to Midgar to tell Zack. I just couldn't believe she was gone. That whole moment was in slow motion. Sins could never be forgiven. And I lied. I lied to Zack about protecting his wife, but especially to Aerith. I failed them. I failed myself. From that moment on I wasn't worthy of helping anyone. My family. My friends. No one._

"Can sins really be forgiven?" My phone beeped to signal a voice mail. Yuffie left it. I listened.

"Hey Cloud. Just like you to have a phone and never answer it. I heard about everything from Zack. Cloud, I'm sorry. I don't know where you are right now. But you should come back to Radiant Garden. You know people here. It's better than being alone. Anyways, I hope you're alright and come home soon."

Her message reminds me a lot of something Tifa would say. I'm sure she's with Zack right now. I hit redial.

"Cloud?"

"…"

"Cloud! Are you there?"

"Yeah."

"Are you alright? Are you coming home?"

"Yeah." Home? I didn't have one. I can't get attached to someone again. They'd only get hurt. I couldn't protect them.

"Are you coming home?" I guess that's the question she really wants an answer to.

I hung up.

I pulled my sword out and started polishing it.

"I guess going to Radiant Garden wouldn't hurt. At least for a while. I'll save up some money. Go somewhere else."

That next morning I threw my satchel over my shoulder once again and set off on Fenrir to my temporary home of Radiant Garden.


	3. Chapter 3: A Home

** Read and Review guys! :D**

Chapter 3: A Home With the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee

Why am I here? Oh yeah. I got discharged from SeeD. I really need to get my own place. I love having Selphie around after all these years, but I'm going to have to discharge my existence if I have to listen to her talk about her outfit choices one more day. I pulled the newspaper from the other side of the table in front of me and turned to the classifieds.

"So, I was thinking…" Selphie was talking again. It sounded something like what did I want to eat for dinner.

There were some pretty nice places in the paper. It was nice having company, but I preferred being alone.

"Leon? Are you listening?" Damn, she caught me.

"Sorry Selph, I'm looking at real estate listings."

"I guess you would eventually want your own place." She smiled but I couldn't tell if it was genuine or a façade.

I don't know how she was surprised really. Just because I was discharged didn't mean they didn't have to pay me. I didn't quit of my own volition, therefore I still received my 20,000 gil every month. Though I guess its munny here in Radiant Garden. That was going to take some getting used to. I'd been in Balamb so long.

"There are some really nice places here." Selphie said. "What are you looking for?"

"I'm not sure really. SeeD still gives me my regular pay. I can afford most everything in here."

I sat and continued looking through the classifieds with only Selphie's cooking as background noise. It reminded me a lot of when we hung out at the academy. Now this place was interesting. Four bedrooms, four bathrooms, open concept floor plan. Northside Radiant Garden, near old Bastion Castle.

"Hey Selphie. Do you know where this place is?" I pushed the paper toward her.

"Yeah. It's huge. It's in the historic district; there are a lot of things being refurbished in that area. It's an older place."

"I like it." I pulled out my cell phone and called the number. I was surprised that the seller told me I could come and look at the place immediately. Of course, I agreed. Selphie rolled her eyes as I grabbed my jean jacket off the back of my chair; she tossed me her keys.

"Wreck it? You die."

I laughed as I jumped in the car and headed towards Northside.

Selphie was right. The place was huge. It was a large brick home, surrounded with a black fence and a stone walk to the door. I saw a middle-aged woman on the porch as I pulled up.

"Mr. Leonhart. Good to see you. I know you'll like the place." She opened the door. "Feel free to look around all you like. If you have any questions let me know."

The main floor was indeed open concept. The walkway had high ceilings to give it a larger feel to the left it opened up to the dining room/kitchen area. The Living area was straight ahead and all the floors were mahogany. The doorway large open doorway to the dining room was arched.

After all this I really didn't feel the need to see more. It was perfect. But I continued to the Master Bedroom. I briefly checked out the other bedrooms and bathrooms. I then came across a second landing that I hadn't initially seen. I opened the door to see the walls lined with shelves and a built in desk on the far wall. This place was a library. This just sold the house. I could get all my books back from Yuffie. Finally.

I headed back downstairs. "I'll take it."

The woman smiled. "That's fantastic. This place is quite a steal, really." She tossed me the keys. "I'll bring the paperwork by next week." I was shocked she threw me the keys. She must've really wanted to have this place sold.

"Awwwww. Leon. Do you have to take them?" Yuffie whined.

"Yes." I may have left them in her possession before I left for Balamb years ago, but I made it clear I would want them back one day. My manga collection.

"You can't possibly want to read them anymore." She was tugging on my jacket as I loaded them into a box.

"Just because I'm older doesn't mean they aren't mine." I rolled my eyes. "Go get the classics next." I was trying to keep my book types in order so putting them up in that library room would be easier. Although being around the girl was frustrating, I was grateful for the help.

It took a while but with Yuffie and Selphie's help I was able to get my house loaded with furniture. I spent most of the time in the Library room working; of course I could never have peace. Yuffie or Selphie always came in to see what I was up too. I had gotten all of my books sorted. My manga, classical literature, non-fiction, biographies. I was a bookworm. It helped pass the time during long travels on SeeD missions. I had even managed to set up a high tech computer program in there. It was a sanctuary to me.

There was a knock at the door. "Yeah Yuffie."

"Everyone is here."

I sighed stood up and headed to the living room. If I didn't she'd only pester me. The first person I saw was Cid.

"Long time no see Kid." The man hadn't changed. He was still the same Cid from when I was a child. I then noticed some new faces.

"Leon this is Sora." Sora didn't look very old, but I could tell immediately that he was almost as spunky as Yuffie. He couldn't have been more than sixteen years old. He was a bit short for his age too. "He's a keyblade weilder."

"Interesting." I shook his hand. "Nice to meet you Sora."

"Likewise." He smiled. His bright blue eyes excited to make a new friend.

Yuffie brought another new face to my attention. "Riku." The silverette put his hand out for me to shake. I returned the gesture but nothing else was said as he then returned to sit next to Sora.

I saw old Merlin standing against a wall on the other side of the room. He waved briefly to greet me. "It's nice to see everyone." Thanks for all the help. I sat down in the black recliner.

"Yo Leon? You lookin' for a job." Cid, the old mechanic spoke.

I simply looked at him.

"Good idea Cid." Oh no. Yuffie was excited. This can't be good. "The Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee!" She shouted as she tackled me. I felt a sharp pain in my eyes as I pushed her off. I tried to push the pain aside as my vision got blurry.

"What's that?"

"It wasn't around when you were here years ago, kiddo. All of us here are members. We're trying to restore the historic district of town. Radiant Garden pays us pretty good to do it." Cid explained.

"I'll think about it." The pain in my eyes was getting unbearable. I hadn't told any of them why I came home. Selphie was the only one who knew, and she was at work.

"Oh you totally should join, Leon. It would be fun to have another person on the Committee!" I knew in the end I'd have to say yes. Yuffie wouldn't take no for an answer.

I spent some time with them after that talking about what I did with SeeD. I also got to know Sora and Riku a little better. A lot had happened with them while I was gone. Such young boys. I could relate to them in a way. They'd been through so much at a young age. I was happy to see that all my old friends were well, but I was relieved when they went home. I tossed myself on the couch to relax. Though I supposed I should get used to it, this was my home for now.

"Finally peace." My eyes were relieved for the rest as I drifted off into the silence.


	4. Chapter 4: A Plan

**Hey everyone. I hope you all like this new chapter. This one was a bit harder. I needed to have one more chapter before Cloud and Leon meet. As you can see that will be happening next chapter. Review please.**

Chapter 4: A Plan

Here I am in Radiant Garden. Why? I got medically discharged from SOLDIER. Why? Because I couldn't protect my best friend. Now, I'm sitting on Fenrir in Yuffie's driveway at 3am. I'm about to call her. She's going to be pissed. But I don't have a jacket. And it's not exactly warm out here.

The phone kept ringing. "Hell… Hello?" Yuffie answered. Obviously sleeping.

"It's Cloud. I'm outside."

I heard the phone click, signaling that she had hung up. I got off Fenrir, Yuffie beat me to the front door. In fact, I never made it to the porch. She tackled me to the ground in a hug. "CLOUDY!" That fucking name. I hate it.

"Hey." I pushed her off of me, walked inside, and dropped my things just inside the door and threw myself of the couch.

"Cloud are you alright?"

"Tired." I'd talk to her in the morning. I really didn't want to talk right now.

"O…okay."

I heard her walk down the hall to her room. I don't wanna talk to anyone ever again.

I woke to the sound of voices.

"I'm not really sure what to do Tifa. He's barely said anything since he's been here."

That was obviously Yuffie.

"I think we remind him too much of his past. Too much of her."

It was Tifa. Don't bring her up. Please don't bring up… Aerith.

"How?"

"Yuffie, we helped SOLDIER with missions. Plus we were all friends with her."

"I understand that but, we can help him."

Just shut up both of you!

"I'm not sure what's wrong with him, but I do know that whatever it is its really killing him inside. It's not his fault that she died, but he must blame himself."

I couldn't take this; I stood up and walked into the kitchen, pretending I'd just woke up.

"Good Morning Cloud." Both girls said simultaneously.

I simply nodded at their statement as I pulled a glass from the cabinet, and then poured myself a glass of milk. I took my milk glass and grabbed my copy of _Les Miserables _off the table and took it to my designated 'spot,' the couch. I got comfortable and pretended to read as I heard the girls sigh in frustration. They were right. I hadn't said very much since I'd been here. They just didn't understand that I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone.

I've read _Les Miserables_ a few times before so I continued to look as though I was flipping through the book as the girls continued talking.

"I think maybe he needs his own place."

"He can just stay here."

"Yuffie, he can't sleep on your couch forever. He needs his own room, his own space to sort everything out."

I heard Yuffie sigh. "I feel like he shouldn't be alone though."

They were wrong. I need to be alone. I stand up and place my book down, ignoring the untouched milk. I simply looked toward the kitchen. "I need a shower." I walked to the bathroom and shut the door, turning on the water as to no arouse suspicion.

"Why can't they just mind their own business? Stop talking about her, me, then. I just want to be let alone."

My intention was to originally just sit in the bathroom with the shower running until Tifa had left, but I figured I'd actually just do my waiting in the shower. I stripped myself of my one sleeved leather vest and my matching black pants. I stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain shut.

I realized that I left my dog tags on. My only remaining connection to SOLDIER. I read them. _Cloud Strife, AVALANCE Division: SOLDIER. ID Number: 138745_. Attached to my dog tags was another tag that I can't believe I'd forgotten about. Hers. _Aerith Gainsborough, TURK Division: SOLDIER. ID Number: 149843_.

I slammed my left fist into the wall. I saw the scar. It ran vertically from my wrist to my elbow. The reason SOLDIER new I could no longer continue my duties. My really intention was to go with her. I'd taken the small dagger attached to my belt and ran it all the way up my arm. It was Barret who had found me on the floor of my room with a white T-shirt wrapped around my arm. I was unconscious. At some point I had tried to stop my self-inflicted bleeding. I couldn't even kill myself. Of course. I'm not even good enough to end my own life. I can protect no one. But I can't even end it.

I leaned against the back of the shower and let the water hit the back of my hair and run down the front of my face. Maybe Tifa was right. Maybe I need a new place, away from any reminder of SOLDIER, of her… of Aerith.

MEANWHILE:

"Where is he gonna life Tifa? SOLDIER doesn't have very good discharge pay."

"They only pay 3000 munny every month."

"See? He can't very well pay for himself. That would buy him food, but that's it." It was obvious that Yuffie was upset.

Yuffie's phone buzzed. A new text message.

_"Yuff, jus gotta call from Squall. He'll be joining us in the Committee."_

Yuffie squealed.

"What is it?" Tifa asked, unsurprised by her attitude.

"Leon is going to be starting on the Restoration Committee." Her smile was huge.

"I guess I could get Cloud a job down at the bar." Tifa worked in downtown Radiant Garden at a popular bar called Final Fantasy. It paid decent and he'd make good tips.

Yuffie's grin still hadn't gone away.

"Something devious is going on in your head."

"Leon."

"What about him?"

"Leon just moved into that huge house in the historic district. He has three extra bedrooms." Yuffied pulled out her phone.

After some pondering I finally washed my hair before I left the shower. I grabbed a black hoody and white sweats out of the closet before heading downstairs. I heard Yuffie on the phone. I snuck back on the couch and laid down as I listened to her conversation.

"Come on Leon. That house is huge. And Cloud is a great guy."

Silence.

"He just needs some time away from us."

…

"It's not my place to say. Just meet him and decide. He's a quiet guy. You'll never even know he's there."

The silence lasted a bit longer this time.

"Yey!" Yuffie jumped out of her seat and hung up the phone.

I figured I should get up and make an appearance. That conversation was obviously about me. I sat down in a chair next to Tifa. She smiled.

"Cloud. We found you a new place."

"Where?"

"A friend of ours. He just moved into this huge place in the Historic District."

Just like Yuffie to make plans without consulting me.

"I could just get a job and get a small place somewhere."

"Nonsense!" She pulled me from my chair as she grabbed her keys. "Leon is a great guy. At least meet him before you say no."

I sighed and reluctantly followed her out the door, Tifa giggling along the way. Do these two no something I don't?


	5. Notice

Notice:

Sorry I haven't updated in a while you guys, but I've been busy planning for my trip to Japan. On that note I was letting you guys know that I probably won't have time to update my stories until after I return on August 2nd. I appreciate the reads and the reviews, I'll try to update in Japan if I can. :D


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